Mark this momentous day, December 9th, 2008. This was the day that I escaped the prison of nicotine addiction. I didn’t “give it up”, but I have come to the full realization that there is nothing enjoyable or good about smoking. Anything I can do while smoking, I can do better not as a smoker. So I do not have, and will never have a reason or motivation to smoke another cigarette.

I’m finally free from that weed and all the pain that it brought into my life! I feel like I’ve escaped from shackles in some dank, moldy medieval dungeon, and have stepped into the gloriously beautiful light of day, with the fresh air on my face. It’s that awesome!

Here’s a slightly shaming admission of my failure to realize the complete idiocy of smoking on my last attempt, as well as my underestimation of the seduction of “the monster” in the first couple weeks. Cheers to over-confidence! It’s good to be TRULY free, now!

My imagination is now filling with the awesomeness of not being chained down (socially especially) by the little beast! Imagine: being able to take in the full enjoyment of a social environment without The Nagger breathing down my neck telling me to breathe his!

I’m pretty excited, and supremely certain that I will NEVER partake of another product containing nicotine. Any of my smoker friends reading this would say things like:

Smoker Friend: “But, dude, aren’t you gonna miss the full-flavor of the warm smoke right after a full meal?”

And I respond, “Are you fucking retarded?!? Seriously, dude. Seriously. Are you? You really need to stop for just one second and actually taste the cigarette you’re smoking. Dude…it tastes like burning ash, literally. But the release from the anxiety of the nicotine pangs has become confused for pleasure in your mind. And you associate this “pleasure” with the “flavor” of your cigarette. Which is why…in the end any cigarette (despite how wildly different the brands may taste) will do.”

Smoker Friend:“Yeah, well, it’s like the Matrix, whatever the illusion, my mind says ‘Pleasure’, and so does yours!”

Me: “Exactly, dude. Perfect analogy. I’m like Neo: ‘There is no spoon’, and the opportunities opened up by not being controlled by this ‘Pleasure’ are comparatively limitless. I can even stop mind-bullets, just ask Wonder Boy. You’re more like…some random schmuck in the Matrix. Enjoy you’re illusion while I save the world, and totally get Carrie-Anne Moss (who may not be the hottest movie star, but she does have that je ne sais quoi, which is French for (roughly): the ability to look absolutely stunning and deadly in tight leather and short cropped hair despite not being a particularly stunning or deadly-looking person normally. ).

Sorry for the clauses, I’ve been reading a lot of Douglas Adams, lately. Seriously, though, now that I not a smoker anymore, I could do waaaay better than Carrie-Anne Moss, who according to IMDB is almost 41, married and has 2 children. Any ladies reading this…I’m talking about you. And not in the general plural “you” sense. Through the wonders of future technology, specifically, time travel, I’m actually addressing, YOU, my future wife. That’s right, baby, you ARE the one. I’m not addressing your friend if you send her a link to this page, nor your friend that sent you here. I’m talking only to YOU, babe.

Wow, helluva digression. This is what I call top-notch blagging. Excuse me while I miss the sky…but not cigarettes, w00t, and listen to Glycerine with a night-cap.

It’s not hard. It’s not anything. Literally.

I just realized that I don’t have to “fight” nicotine. I don’t have to “fight” anything. I just don’t want to smoke anymore. So I’m not going to. The pleasant awareness of the reality that the physical addiction of nicotine is actually very minor, and will have to be suffered through as I would a head cold, or an upset stomach, for a couple days, is actually indescribable. I’m grinning like an idiot as I’m writing this.

Wow. What an awesome revelation. The funny part: this is going to “succeed” or “fail”. It can’t. Because I’m trying to “do” anything. My time at T.A.C. should have taught me that a void (in this case, of activity) is not any thing.

I just don’t want to smoke anymore. This is so wild, and hilarious. More will follow once (or as) I have to “suffer” through the physical “withdrawals”.

EDIT: Let me explain a little more:

It started on Slashdot. I had scrolled halfway through the main page of headlines, when I noticed in the the “Quick Links” section on the sidebar (it was the capitalized “XKCD” that caught my attention - I love that site, and everyone that tributes them). Anyways, as I thought of clicking on, and perusing AnimeFu (despite not being “Addicted to anime” as it suggests) saw the Penny Arcade link, and thought, “Hey, I haven’t been there in a a couple weeks. I should catch up on the comics.”

So I opened Penny Arcade and Everything (<–sounded interesting for a Professional Expert) in new tabs. Reading through the Penny Arcade comics (backwards) I come upon this one about a Quitting Smoking video game for the Nintendo DS

This got me interested in a new “aid” for “quitting” smoking. Looked into it. Discovered it was based off of this guy Allen Carr’s method, which he developed, wrote a bestseller, and has been doing clinics on since 1983. Read up a bunch from his company’s site (he himself died from lung cancer a couple years ago). If you laughed at that, and are thinking, “I can’t believe that you’re falling for such a lousy scam”, then you’re going to feel like a real a-hole when you get the facts. Anyways, bottom line. This guy doesn’t matter. His philosophy, on the other hand, does.

Simplified, as I interpreted it from the various sources, it goes something like this:
Smoking is an activity that you want to do. Every time you light up it’s because you ARE making the choice, “I want this cigarette and I’m going to act upon this desire”. Stopping smoking is simply saying, “Y’know what? I don’t want that cigarette” or “I’ll abstain from that activity, thank you anyways.” Just like you would if someone asked you if you wanted to go beat a litter of newborn kittens to a bloody pulp with a 2×4.

I mean, sure, murdering helpless baby animals may have its pleasures, but in the end its just not your thing (NOTE: If it is your thing, please remove yourself from the gene pool by the most expedient means, thank you). Likewise, smoking is just not my thing anymore. And I’m cool with that.

Again, what’s important here is that there is NO STRUGGLE. This is not a contest/battle involving your willpower, because you’re NOT DOING ANYTHING. Literally. If this is too difficult for you to understand, well, I hope you’re not a smoker.

Although I don’t see myself smoking cigarettes (or shooting heroin or murdering kittens - unless they deserve it) any time in the future. I ordered this dude’s book from Amazon (only $14 after shipping). I’ll give it to a friend who wants to stop smoking after I read it, if I read it.

END EDIT