I really don’t understand why everyone is so anti-bailout. Whatever happened to the “Golden Rule”, huh?

I know that personally, I would love the American auto industry to bail me out of my debt! In fact, I’m now drafting a proposal called the “Individual Taxpayer Bailout Initiative”, which I hope to send onto my congresswoman, and senators, to see if I can get them to tack it on to some future bailout package. For the benefit of my readership, I have converted the proposal into a template (very close to the one I believe GM, Ford, WaMu, etc have been using), and I encourage all of you fill out one for yourself, and send it along to your respective legislators.

Dear Congressperson/Senator,

It has come to my attention, recently, that you have been voting for certain proposed bailout packages for various corporations within certain industries. I, too, would like to receive financial assistance from the federal government. Due to poor decision-making in my past, I currently have $_________ in debt. Although this may seem like a lot for an individual in my position, I assure you that my personal financial decisions have been absolutely horrendously foolish, although they probably seem tame compared to the decisions made by the institutions you have already bailed out…

A check for the above amount will be accepted by the under-signed (me) who, in return, makes the solemn vow never to learn from his mistakes as long as he can get other people to clean up his messes. Also, you’re allowed to pretend like I’m gonna pay you back (hint: I’m not).

Sincerely,

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