Sanity Online

Well, shit. I knew that social situations especially where drinking is involved would be the hardest. Hence my staying away from all friends that smoke, ad bars, for the last 2+ weeks.

Well, I had good reason. The apparent happiness and satisfaction other people were enjoying while smoking drove me to say to myseld, “it must be enjoyable. i want that.”

*Sigh*

So much sense of failure (how I hate that word, when applied to myself), so much confusion about how to go on…

And to think, I was living so frugally before this…

Shit.

Recommended short reading of the week:

http://www.cbp.gov/linkhandler/cgov/travel/admissability/search_authority.ctt/search_authority.pdf

It’s the Customs and Border Protection Policy Regarding Border Search of Information. Let me highlight some points for those of you too lazy to read 1,500 words:

1)  “In the course of a border search, and absent individualized suspicion, officers can review and analyze the information transported by any individual attempting to enter, reenter, depart, pass through, or reside in the United States…”

2) “Officers may detain documents and electronic devices, or copies thereof, for a reasonable period of time to perform a thorough border search. The search may take place on-site or at an off-site location.”

3) “Officers may encounter information in documents or electronic devices that is in a foreign language and/or encrypted. To assist CBP in determining the meaning of such information, CBP may seek translation and/or decryption assistance from other Federal agencies or entities. Officers may seek such assistance absent individualized suspicion.”

4) (under “Responses and Time for Assistance”, and relevant to #3) Responses from assisting agencies are expected in an expeditious manner so that CBP may complete its border search in a reasonable period of time. Unless otherwise approved by the principal field official such as the Director, Field Operations or Chief Patrol Agent, responses should be received within fifteen (15) days. This timeframe is to be explained in the request for assistance. If the assisting agency is unable to respond in that period of time, CBP may permit extensions in increments of seven (7) days.

So, you put it all together and what do you get? Without any suspicion, any member of Customs and Border Protection can, without any negative repercussions, and you without any legal recourse:

1) Take your laptop from you and look at every file on it, even the boring ones, like your e-mails and personal letters.

2) Send it away to another location for “decryption/translation” (there is ALWAYS encrypted information on every computer, they’re called passwords - and how are they supposed to know that you’re not storing terrorist activities within your password hash, uh…somehow . Well, better safe than sorry, right?)

3) Ask another agency “for assistance” with said decryption/translation. Then hold onto your laptop for 15 + 7(x) days, where ‘x’ equals however many “extensions” CBP wants to “permit”.

Don’t forget, like it says at the beginning of the policy:

“For example, examinations of documents and electronic devices are a crucial tool for detecting information concerning terrorism, narcotics smuggling, and other national security matters; alien admissibility; contraband including child pornography, monetary instruments, and information in violation of copyright or trademark laws; and evidence of embargo violations or other import or export control laws.”

It’s good that they snuck that one in there. I hadn’t been aware it was their duty to see if I had a copy of an eBook on the laptop that I hadn’t legally paid for. Or to make sure that I owned all the CDs or had used a legal download service for all the MP3s on my computer. I’ll be sure to bring all my eBook, Sam Goody, Virgin Records, Blockbuster Music, Tower Records and iTunes receipts in the future.

And I better make sure to bring and be ready to show documentation to prove that all commercial software installed on my computer has been bought and paid for, now where did I put that receipt for Windows XP that I bought 5 years ago?

Of course, all those above measures are really unneccessary, if you don’t mind them having “individualized suspicion” and all the FUN that goes along with that!

And this is the best part, where the contrarians reading this say, “Well, I’ve got nothing to hide…” or “Only criminals will be hurt by this…”. And for those who have no issue (or perhaps enjoy) surrendering this right for no good reason, the best response was given ’bout 200 years ago:

It behooves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself, to resist invasions of it in the case of others: or their case may, by change of circumstances, become his own.
Thomas Jefferson

And of course, there is the rallying cry of us libertarians, especially in the last 6 years, 10 months:

Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
Benjamin Franklin

A little shook up, literally (oh, I “crack” myself up –oooh my sides are “splitting” with laughter–*sigh*) as, according to US Geological Survey, a 5+ magnitude quake hit less than 15 miles from the Lab. Whew…good times!

Not talking about tuberculosis here - which is what consumption meant way back in the day (circa 1800’s). We’re talking good old capitalist-consumerism. Which is awesome, but only in moderation.

So to encourage myself in that, I’ll keep a totally useless log of what I remembered spending money since I last posted.

Got hurry and finish this post, WoW awaits.

Here’s a slightly shaming admission of my failure to realize the complete idiocy of smoking on my last attempt, as well as my underestimation of the seduction of “the monster” in the first couple weeks. Cheers to over-confidence! It’s good to be TRULY free, now!

My imagination is now filling with the awesomeness of not being chained down (socially especially) by the little beast! Imagine: being able to take in the full enjoyment of a social environment without The Nagger breathing down my neck telling me to breathe his!

I’m pretty excited, and supremely certain that I will NEVER partake of another product containing nicotine. Any of my smoker friends reading this would say things like:

Smoker Friend: “But, dude, aren’t you gonna miss the full-flavor of the warm smoke right after a full meal?”

And I respond, “Are you fucking retarded?!? Seriously, dude. Seriously. Are you? You really need to stop for just one second and actually taste the cigarette you’re smoking. Dude…it tastes like burning ash, literally. But the release from the anxiety of the nicotine pangs has become confused for pleasure in your mind. And you associate this “pleasure” with the “flavor” of your cigarette. Which is why…in the end any cigarette (despite how wildly different the brands may taste) will do.”

Smoker Friend:“Yeah, well, it’s like the Matrix, whatever the illusion, my mind says ‘Pleasure’, and so does yours!”

Me: “Exactly, dude. Perfect analogy. I’m like Neo: ‘There is no spoon’, and the opportunities opened up by not being controlled by this ‘Pleasure’ are comparatively limitless. I can even stop mind-bullets, just ask Wonder Boy. You’re more like…some random schmuck in the Matrix. Enjoy you’re illusion while I save the world, and totally get Carrie-Anne Moss (who may not be the hottest movie star, but she does have that je ne sais quoi, which is French for (roughly): the ability to look absolutely stunning and deadly in tight leather and short cropped hair despite not being a particularly stunning or deadly-looking person normally. ).

Sorry for the clauses, I’ve been reading a lot of Douglas Adams, lately. Seriously, though, now that I not a smoker anymore, I could do waaaay better than Carrie-Anne Moss, who according to IMDB is almost 41, married and has 2 children. Any ladies reading this…I’m talking about you. And not in the general plural “you” sense. Through the wonders of future technology, specifically, time travel, I’m actually addressing, YOU, my future wife. That’s right, baby, you ARE the one. I’m not addressing your friend if you send her a link to this page, nor your friend that sent you here. I’m talking only to YOU, babe.

Wow, helluva digression. This is what I call top-notch blagging. Excuse me while I miss the sky…but not cigarettes, w00t, and listen to Glycerine with a night-cap.

A weekend of glorious fun and excess (kind of).

Friday night:
1) Katie flakes on going out. Instead goes to local bar and has a beer with Brenna.
2) Sarah picks up Jeanne late from LAX
3) Everyone’s having good time at “Good” (bar).
4) Everyone = Raf, Mark, Loryn, Sean, Tom Wr., Max, Helen, Bridget Don., Erin, Tim, Others(??)
5) Sarah, Jeanne and I arrive almost simultaneously. The party really starts.
6) Move to “Winchester’s” due to insane crowd @ Good.
7) Lose Bridget, Helen, Max, Sean, Tom. Gain Joey, Dana, Laura Lau., Others.
Good times continue. Shots. Copious Photos.
9) Crash at the McLean’s. Star Wars chat with Mark. Good times.
Saturday
1) Wake up. Beginning skimming Star Wars book.
2) Scare Mrs. McLean.
3) Get Starbucks. Go to Orellana’s. Chat with Raf over Starbucks. Good times.
4) Lunch @ El Pref with Raf, Jeanne, Sarah. Raf leaves to visit Gabe.
5) Great talk with Sarah and Jeane about Faith, belief, and the importance of Truth underlying what we live by. Very Good Times.
6) Part ways with Sarah & Jeanne. Head into Ventura (towards Fry’s). Call Joy. She’s finishing shift at golf course. Perfect timing. I veer from course and head towards golf course. Hang out in Bar & Grill, chatting with Greg and Dustin, the bartenders, who serve me free beer. Good times.
7) Sister and I want to see a movie. Katie does not, but says she’ll be ready in a couple hours. Sister and I go see Wanted. Get iced chai tea and chat before movie. Good times.
Watch Wanted with Sister. Very Fun movie.
9) Sister and I part ways. Supposedly only for hour or two until we meet again in downtown Ventura. I go to the Scanlon’s.
10) Empty Scanlon’s house, minus Katie, Brenna and Kirstie. Kinda weird (the house being empty, that is). Preparation to leave begins. Promises are made.
11) Drinks with Katie while other two get ready.
12) Drinks with Katie and Kirstie while other one gets ready.
13) Everyone ready to go. All looking (in my opinion) just as pretty as when I arrived. Me and three pretty girls. Good times.
14) Arrive at Main St.
15) Meet up with a gorgeous Colleen (as always) and a debonair-evil Evan (it’s all about the goatee). Definitely one of the prettiest (and smartest) couples around.
16) Cafe Fiore. Dancing. Drinks. Pictures. Meet up with Sarah, Jeanne, and Raf. Good times.
17) Head to “J’s”. Kirstie has an in, but it’s packed, and definitely not our kind of crowd. Up to Star Lounge, say hi to Joey and Dana. Off to Winchester’s (due to later last call than other places)
18) Drinks, pictures. More drinks. More pictures. Last Call. More pictures. Pizza on the way back. Group splits. Sarah, Jeanne and Katie. Brenna, Raf, Kirstie and me.
19) Back to Scanlons. Brenna and Kirstie crash. Raf and I make ourselves some Screwdrivers. Great conversation (even better than usual) with Raf until pre-dawn light in the sky. Good Times, good times.

Sunday
FORTHCOMING (gotta sleep now)

Smoker: No
Alcohol Consumption: 3 Corona Lights. 2 Glasses red
Weight: 242.6
Symptoms: Dry, scratchy throat. Blurry vision. Mental tiredness.
Food Intake: Delicious BBQ chicken (prolly about 1.5 lbs), summer squash/zucchini, salad, and 5-6 pieces of garlic bread, for dinner (at Anthony and Anne-Marie’s) Apple pie for dessert. Lunch was club sandwich w/ salad at the Scanlons. Strawberry ‘n Creme Starbucks. Large Diet Coke.
OMG I feel like a fattie after listing all that: Yes, ’specially ’cause Iz ’bout to has ‘nuther Corona Light (it’s ok tho cuz its lite = makes me skinnier the more I drink)

Cool Idea for a T-Shirt:
The Meme Shirt. A 3×3, 4×4, or 4×5 grid of rounded corner squares (white space in between) with something that distinctly represents a famous meme. Including:
lolcats, AYBABTU, hampster dance, dancing baby, dramatic prairie dog, peanut butter jelly time, ultimate showdown, Leeroy Jenkins, Snakes on a Plane, O RLY owl, OK GO, Canon D, Chuck Norris Facts, Mentos + Diet Coke fountains, Ask a Ninja, Maddox, Rickroll, Homestar runner.

The title of the shirt reads “Don’t Worry, Ma’am. We’re from the Internet.”

Tomatoes with Salmonella.

Floods destroy farmland.

Food Crisis.

Spinach with E. Coli.

West Nile Virus.

Bird Flu.

Population Bomb.

We’re all gonna die. No doubt about it. But only your neighborhood News wants us to think it’s gonna be tomorrow, unless we watch their show for them to tell us how to “Protect Ourselves and Our Children” (won’t SOMEONE think of the CHILDREN!??!!!) from the latest uber-mega-hypo-pandemic.

Well, keeping in line with my new oh-so-health-conscious mentality, I’ve decided that my personal health needs to be under 24-hour surveillance, in case one of these random Armageddon-esque dangers was to sneak up on me all quiet-like. So, without further ado, I create the OMG HEALTH category to track details about my physical condition that will appear useless and inane to all but the most trained eyes.

So here it is:

SMOKER: no
ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION: 1
WEIGHT: 232.2 (kg or lbs - my scale doesn’t say)
BODY FAT %: 85 (estimate based on self-image)
ACTUAL BODY FAT %: unknown
DIET:
1 large bowl of Grape Nuts w/ Granola (1% milk)
2 A&W Cream Soda
1 Corona Light
IMAGES forthcoming…

Although for many smokers not having a cigarette for 24 hours is something they choose to do on a regular basis, this is not the case for me.

I have not gone 24 hours without a cigarette since I got out of jail, 7 years ago. On previous attempts to quit, with a lot of napping I was able to get to 18 hrs before I broke down.

I did feel queasy and tired from the nicotine withdrawals (enough to take the day off of work) but all-in-all the hardest thing is trying to develop a new routine/pattern that I can fall into now that this constant hourly-reminder /pacing-mechanism is out of my life.

*groan* …urrrgghh…need regulation of timing of personal habits…and brains…

It’s not hard. It’s not anything. Literally.

I just realized that I don’t have to “fight” nicotine. I don’t have to “fight” anything. I just don’t want to smoke anymore. So I’m not going to. The pleasant awareness of the reality that the physical addiction of nicotine is actually very minor, and will have to be suffered through as I would a head cold, or an upset stomach, for a couple days, is actually indescribable. I’m grinning like an idiot as I’m writing this.

Wow. What an awesome revelation. The funny part: this is going to “succeed” or “fail”. It can’t. Because I’m trying to “do” anything. My time at T.A.C. should have taught me that a void (in this case, of activity) is not any thing.

I just don’t want to smoke anymore. This is so wild, and hilarious. More will follow once (or as) I have to “suffer” through the physical “withdrawals”.

EDIT: Let me explain a little more:

It started on Slashdot. I had scrolled halfway through the main page of headlines, when I noticed in the the “Quick Links” section on the sidebar (it was the capitalized “XKCD” that caught my attention - I love that site, and everyone that tributes them). Anyways, as I thought of clicking on, and perusing AnimeFu (despite not being “Addicted to anime” as it suggests) saw the Penny Arcade link, and thought, “Hey, I haven’t been there in a a couple weeks. I should catch up on the comics.”

So I opened Penny Arcade and Everything (<–sounded interesting for a Professional Expert) in new tabs. Reading through the Penny Arcade comics (backwards) I come upon this one about a Quitting Smoking video game for the Nintendo DS

This got me interested in a new “aid” for “quitting” smoking. Looked into it. Discovered it was based off of this guy Allen Carr’s method, which he developed, wrote a bestseller, and has been doing clinics on since 1983. Read up a bunch from his company’s site (he himself died from lung cancer a couple years ago). If you laughed at that, and are thinking, “I can’t believe that you’re falling for such a lousy scam”, then you’re going to feel like a real a-hole when you get the facts. Anyways, bottom line. This guy doesn’t matter. His philosophy, on the other hand, does.

Simplified, as I interpreted it from the various sources, it goes something like this:
Smoking is an activity that you want to do. Every time you light up it’s because you ARE making the choice, “I want this cigarette and I’m going to act upon this desire”. Stopping smoking is simply saying, “Y’know what? I don’t want that cigarette” or “I’ll abstain from that activity, thank you anyways.” Just like you would if someone asked you if you wanted to go beat a litter of newborn kittens to a bloody pulp with a 2×4.

I mean, sure, murdering helpless baby animals may have its pleasures, but in the end its just not your thing (NOTE: If it is your thing, please remove yourself from the gene pool by the most expedient means, thank you). Likewise, smoking is just not my thing anymore. And I’m cool with that.

Again, what’s important here is that there is NO STRUGGLE. This is not a contest/battle involving your willpower, because you’re NOT DOING ANYTHING. Literally. If this is too difficult for you to understand, well, I hope you’re not a smoker.

Although I don’t see myself smoking cigarettes (or shooting heroin or murdering kittens - unless they deserve it) any time in the future. I ordered this dude’s book from Amazon (only $14 after shipping). I’ll give it to a friend who wants to stop smoking after I read it, if I read it.

END EDIT

GPS = $75 (pricegrabber)
Internal Bluetooth = $20
Touchscreen = $65 (eBay)
nLited XP = Time!! (already have copy of XP Pro not being used)